"thin"

You can never be too rich or too thin.  My dad was far from the only person who quoted this during my childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood.  I hear it all the time still.  Sometimes by people who know that I'm ED.  Not that I think poorly about them for it, they just weren't thinking when they said it.  But that's because it's one of those sayings that people don't think about.  They are said in passing and the fact is that most people believe it to a certain extent.  Which is frustrating when you're like me and being told continuously by numerous people that you have an unrealistic idea of thin enough.  I don't think I'm the core problem.  I could never argue that my bulimic behaviors aren't totally out there and dangerous and let's face it disgusting.  But I've wanted those behaviors gone since they started.  But people are so sensitive to my restrictive behaviors and it all can feel pretty hypocritical.  I mean where is the line between dieting/weight loss and "we think you have a problem again."  Will I ever be allowed to be like every other female out there who decides that she needs to get a little thinner?  I understand the uncomfortable feeling, the wondering "but will she stop before she's too thin?"

What is too thin?  I am 5 ft nothing.  I could be picky and say 5 ft and 1/2 in because I know I'm slightly taller than my mother and she is exactly 5 foot.  I have a tiny frame, little bones.  Doctors say my ideal weight range is 90-130.  I wouldn't be 'too thin' medically until I was in the 80s.  Most medical doctors, though you know how I feel about them, wouldn't even be concerned until closer to the 70's.  I'm not saying I want to weight 70 pound, because I don't.  I'd like to live a normal life and not be committed into a hospital.  I would like to be around the low 90's.  I was there at 16/17 (well after I had stopped growing and maturing) and again for a 6 month section a couple years ago at 25ish.  I don't think I was too thin.  I don't think anyone who wasn't a friend who knew my struggles with ED would have thought I was too thin.  Very thin, yes, but not too thin.  

I guess I just worry that for the rest of my life, if I lose weight (even when I actually do need too) everyone will be worried and start talking about being too thin.  Too thin is in the 80's or less.  Too thin is having heart problems, unstable blood pressure, low body temperature, and your labs coming back all fucked up.  Well I weight 105 and I would like to get down to at least 95.  My blood pressure is stable, no heart issues, normal body temp and my labs all came back within normal ranges.  So I'm not too thin now and when I lose the 10 pounds I want gone, I still will not be too thin.