I said that I'd stopped.

"I had not stopped.  My eating disorder had taken a sharp turn for the worse.  I lay in bed each night and stared at my body with a hate that even now brings bile to my tongue.  My hatred of bulimia steadily grew. That hatred became, with a little time, an absolute commitment to becoming an anorectic.  Bulimia is hard to see because it doesn't necessarily change your body size. It is also more immediately dangerous." - Marya Hornbacher

I'm not being completely honest with my treatment team.  I know I should be but it's hard.  I met with S after 4 weeks since I canceled our last one.  I really felt like quitting again.  I really almost did.  I don't think either of them would be surprised.  But once again I can't quit.  I don't quit anything of importance.  The hardest part was the honest emotions being felt and shared.  I had decided to quit seeing Dietician CA but after my good session with S I felt like I haven't given her enough time to figure me out and make progress.  So I go see her thursday.

I've now cried at the end of a session twice with these woman.  I hate crying in public so much.  They get me every time when they talk about how proud they are of me for what doesn't seem like much to me.  I mean I'm miserable following the meal plan and I just feel like I could be doing so much better.  I guess it's that whole need for perfection.