Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I'm Okay

I really am okay.  I know I have my moments of venting and to most people my logic sounds false and that I lie to myself to justify living the way I want to live.  I get that.  But I am fine.  I'm not hurting myself.  You, my doctor, my psychologist, psychiatrist, nutritionist, and neurologist could not tell me that anything was physically wrong with me.  I have self destructive behaviors that can lead to health issues and complications later, but I'll work on those.  But right now I'm fine.

I don't even fit into the diagnostic criteria for having an ED.  I restrict more than many and have a bit of an unrealistic view of myself and goal for weight.  All of which falls in a completely healthy range even though the lower part.  I'm fine.  I eat, enough.  I avoid situations in which I will purge.  I've cut down those instances a lot.

Just please don't worry about me.  Several people have made comments about me getting really thin and the fact is that I'm not that thin.  I'm 107 thanks to the trip to I and it is mainly all on my hips and butt.  I hide those so you don't see them, but trust me I have the ten pounds to lose there.

And I will lose them by any means necessary.  End of story.  Ten more pounds and then I'll be good (relatively speaking of course.)  Ten more pounds and I can focus on something other than work and weight for a while.  Have a social life even.  :)

Point is, I'm okay!  

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